It’d be so much easier if everyone could feel the same about tough subjects, wouldn’t it?
That’s surely what one young woman was thinking after she upset her dad, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITA_here444 worried she may have made her father feel more alone with his grief when he realized she didn’t feel the same way.
Since, the Original Poster (OP) has wondered if she was wrong for being honest.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my dad I don’t care that my stepmom died?”
The OP didn’t know her stepmom well and spent little time with her dad.
“My (19 she/her) Stepmom died about a month ago. She had a blood clot in her brain and died suddenly.”
“I really didn’t know her as I’ve been living with my stepdad and his wife since I was 5.”
“I spoke to my dad on the phone a lot growing up. We lived in Canada and he lived in the US, so I didn’t see him in person that much. I never had anything against him or his wife because I had my own family and they also helped us financially.”
Then the OP had the opportunity to actually live with her dad.
“This year I transferred universities and the school I transferred to is about an hour from my dad’s house and I had planned on moving in with my dad to be closer to the university. But that didn’t get to happen until 2 weeks ago.”
“My dad said I could still come even though even with everything he was going through, and he said it would be nice to have me around.”
“I came the day before her funeral. It was very sad to see my dad and half-siblings so upset and I did cry during the ceremony. I think my dad took this as me being upset about her loss, though.”
Her dad became confused about her feelings.
“Ever since the funeral my dad’s been trying to get me to tell him that I’m upset about her passing and I am in the sense that I’m upset for him but not much for myself.”
“I would be ok if this was like him wanting to talk to me about his feelings, but it seems like he wants to talk about my feelings.”
“For example, he’ll come into my room (The guest room) and sit down on the bed and ask me if I have any memories of her. I’ll say a memory, and then he’ll ask me how that makes me feel and stuff. I do try to say what I think he wants to say, because I know how hard this is for him.”
But the OP was getting tired of the situation.
“Two days ago I got a vaccine, and later that night I started feeling really sick, so I went to bed early.”
“I had a class yesterday morning but I still felt like s**t so I decided to sleep in.”
“At around 9:30, my dad came into my room and said that he knows that I’m depressed and sad about my stepmom, but I still need to get out of bed and go to class.”
“I tried to explain that the vaccine made me feel sick but he wasn’t listening.”
“I was getting really annoyed, I had a fever, and I wanted to sleep.”
“I said, ‘I’m not that upset about her, I just don’t feel good.’”
“He looked really mad at me and left without saying anything.”
The OP received mixed reactions for her honesty.
“My half-sister told me he took this as me saying I don’t care about her dying.”
“My half/step-siblings are on my side in the sense that I didn’t know her, so I can be sad for them, but I don’t necessarily need to feel sad for myself, considering I barely knew her.”
“My dad still won’t talk to me, and I kinda feel like an AH because he’s letting me stay in his house, and he’s grieving the loss of his wife.”